The One Where I Saw "The Vow"

This is the story of when I saw "The Vow" staring Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams. It's a thrilling and romantic tale about a wife who loses her memory and doesn't remember being married to someone RIDICULOUSLY attractive. I'm going to have to side with the sign I saw on pinterest that said, "If I woke up from a coma and Channing Tatum told me we were married, I wouldn't question it." Personally the movie could be called, "Channing Tatum Standing There Shirtless," and I still would have watched the whole darn thing. Twice.

So my friend Carrie and I get to the theatre precisely at 7:15, when the movie starts - which meant we got to see all the previews. Before we are in our seats I am already double fisting Milk Duds and Popcorn. It is delicious - its like I have been waiting my whole life to have this sweet, salty chewy combination. We watch the previews and I decide that I would happily watch a movie called, "Zac Efron Standing There Shirtless," too. Yes. I am that shallow.

By the time the movie starts I am anxious because I have already eaten all my treats. I am momentarily distracted by Channing Tatum, then I am sad again. Minutes later my stomach starts hurting from the speed and velocity at which I ate the entire box of candy and a third of a small popcorn . . that wasn't mine.

Emotional scene involving the wife not remembering the husband, I decide I should have gone to the bathroom before the show.

Romantic scene where Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams love each other. I grumble loudly that this isn't real life. It's all just a cinematic lie. Though apparently, according to the previews it is based on true events. I am momentarily jaded before settling back into a fictional romantic reverie.

Emotional scene with Channing and Rachel McAdams' on-screen father, where they (spoiler alert) get mad because neither one of them can save their Rach. I just can't stop thinking about how the dad is in Jurassic Park. I smile, because I like dinosaurs. I then start thinking of a picture I saw today of a shark swallowing another shark whole. Sharks aren't dinosaurs - in case you are confused.

Sad emotional climax where things just aren't working out between the destined lovers. I hear sniffles around the theater, and can see tears streaming the cheeks of my neighbors. I decide I'm dead inside. . . get re-distracted by Channing Tatum shirtless and comment about it (HELLO!)- totally ruin the mood for my peers who were moved (by the emotion, not by his abs . . .some people have no priorities).

Movie ends and they show a picture of the real life couple. Unfortunately, these people are truly unfortunate looking. It's decided that the greatest compliment to their love story isn't that it was made into a movie - it's that they had the honor of being played by such attractive people. Obviously some creative license was used for this "free adaptation" of their life.