It does not taste like cardboard or twigs as I imagined. It did, however, try to kill me. Now, you may be thinking, "Morgan, we all know you tend to have a flair for the dramatic," which, you know, is true. But this was real LIFE. My mouth did not have enough saliva produced to move the bread from my teeth to my belly without pausing for awhile at the top of my esophagus. For those of you without a medical degree, this means I was choking. Badly. Like grabbing my throat and scrambling to a glass of water, so I didn't drop dead on my kitchen floor with the entire loaf of bread still to eat. I have an ongoing theory that it was a density problem.
When I took a second bite, saw my life flash before my eyes again, and then really tasted my creation, I thought, "It needs peanut butter."
I will obviously need to proceed with caution, always making sure I have a trained supervisor who can perform the Heimlich around during consumption. But overall, I feel that I have made one small step towards a healthier lifestyle, that won't kill me . . .like the vegetables* attempted to. . .
* Look I am making a foot note for the vegetable story . . . is this how you make footnotes?
June 16, 2014: So last week I purchased some healthy snacks and put them in the fridge at work. Today, when I pulled out my pre-packaged celery and carrots with a hummus pack on the lid, I noticed the bottom of the pack bulging a little. Being curious, I poked the bulging carton only to be greeted with a noise like a gun shot, a tiny hummus container launched into my face and the general explosion of vegetables and their filth all over me and the table. Shocked, I looked up to see the 3 other people in the kitchen staring at me in horror. It just proved what I have always known. Given the chance, vegetables will kill you
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