The One With the Pictures

Many of you may wonder when you read my blog, "Where does she get her self deprecating humor from?" And for that I have one answer . . .

Which about sums up any questions you may have had.

Now, my sister, is like me in many ways, but also possess the power to attract fame. . . Here you can see her watching Tiger Woods play golf in People Magazine. Yes, People magazine. That's her - clear as day in the glasses. Though I have always openly sought fame and glory, she has received it with no work at all. It makes me gnash my teeth in fury. All I ever wanted out of life was to be on a Disney Channel show . . .

Anywho, the other night when I received this photo of Michael Jordan from my sister in a text message, I can't say it surprised me. Just another one of her famous friends, out on the town. I'm surprised she hasn't been in a TMZ story already, that would be just soooo like her. Apparently she and MJ met and became chums at a bar in Charlotte. Obviously I didn't get an invite.

Though I live in Ohio . . .where no one famous ever visits, and if they do, I'm not out on the town to see them . . .because I never go out.

Immediately after receiving that lovely picture of MJ in real life, my dearest cousin Kalie (not pictured in the seagway photo, but a member of the family none the less) sent a picture of herself, with a Victoria's Secret Angel, whom she apparently met in Chicago. Again, she lives in a glamorous city and engages in a social life, two strikes against me in seeking fame and fortune. (Must work on creating opportunities where I can meet famous people and be discovered. Must get tickets to the next Jonas Brothers' concert.)

Naturally with my family interacting with all these amazing people, I had to text them to let them see what I was up to . .

Which was waiting for a delayed plane at the St. Louis airport. By myself.

Sometimes, even if you are a good person, good things don't happen to you. But just an FYI in case you are all wondering what famous person I want to meet, it's Jennifer Lawrence. I think we could be great friends. I also think, with our powers combined, we could over throw Taylor Swift.

The One With More Pet Peeves

6. People who visibly aren't interested in listening to you when you are obviously trying to converse with them. Granted, maybe stating the obvious to the Stone Cold Steve Austin look alike isn't your best moment. "Oh, you don't have to put that arm rest down since you're so much larger than me." Awkward silence . . .

7. People that get mad because while eating cracker-like bread (you know, mana that expensive restaurants provide because apparently it's very chic to eat like poor people) you broke off a piece and a large chunk ACCIDENTALLY shot off into a co worker's face during a business meeting. In my defense, I said I was sorry. I couldn't have planned for something that magical to happen, even on my best day.

8. When I can hear my neighbors talking to each other, only to realize that maybe they can hear me, talking to myself.

9. When the only noticeable difference I can feel after my sinus surgery is that after using my netti pot, even hours later, water may decide to pour out of my nose at the slightest head movement. The water doesn't care who I am talking to (bosses, co workers, attorneys), and it is impossible to stop. The only thing I can do is catch it in my hand.

10. I thought about writing a tenth, but I want to leave you all with something savory, like the netti pot visual.

The One With Yoga

You may be expecting Pet Peeves part two, which will come eventually, but today you get the story of me deciding to do yoga.

So this weekend, I was visiting my wonderful sister in Charlotte. For some unknown reason, may it be genetics or years of practice, my sister and I can eat an insurmountable amount of food. This phenomenon is only exponentially impacted when we are together. So naturally, it was after our third gluttonous feast that I decided I needed to start taking better care of myself. This may also have been attributed to the fact that I was in lululemon looking at all their cute yoga clothes and fit floor models. It could have also been the shame of over eating for the third time in 12 hours. Either way,it was at that moment, nibbling on the brownie in my purse, that I decided yoga was the sport for me.

So today I popped in my Jillian Michaels' Yoga Meltdown DVD and gave it a whirl. I met Jillian Michael's last year when I attempted her 30 day Shred DVD. That became nothing more than a three day battle zone of soreness and self loathing, where I mostly whimpered while doing whatever she told me on the television screen. This was accompanied by me screaming, "I hate you Jillian. I. Hate. You." from some awkward position on the floor. But today I felt ready to go.

I started strong during the warm up, breezed easily through Mountain and Cobra (These are Yoga poses for those of you who aren't "yogis" like me). . . but then somewhere around Crescent pose, I lost focus. It was about this time when I couldn't figure out which leg I had been exercising (I feel that if I was doing in correctly, the pain should have been an indicator, but I felt none of this).

My confusion made me tired, so I dropped into Child's Pose, and just hung out on the floor. I noticed a hole in my yoga matt. I stretched my hands out and then tried a Downward Dog that the ladies were doing on screen. Only then did I notice I was a little shaky. Not wanting to lapse into hypoglycemic shock, I thought perhaps a snack would help my stamina. I grabbed a bag of blue berries and some potato chips from the counter and sat "criss cross applesauce" (this is the new PC version of "Indian Style") on my yoga mat to watch Jillian and friends work out. I sat, incredulous, as the women on TV did some complicated pretzel/balance move. I yelled angrily at the screen, "I don't think so Jillian. Nope, not for me."

I was disgusted, but watched entranced for another minute, while I finished my snack. Next I returned to Child's pose and arose exhausted. This experience had been quite eye opening.

And people say yoga is difficult.