Some of my favorite conversations go like this:
Them: Hello Morgan! It is so wonderful to see you!
Me: Oh my goodness you too!
What I am thinking: Oh crap. Who are you?
Them: How are you doing? What are you doing?
Me: I am doing well. I live and work in Columbus.
What I am thinking: I know you look familiar.
Them: So are you married?
Me: Ha ha no.
What I am thinking: Wow stranger, you are just cutting to the chase. I have a job you know. A good one. I got promoted once too.
Them: Oh. (sad, confused face) Well are you seeing anyone?
Me: Ha. No.
What I am thinking: Thank goodness! Yeah, the job is great. I have a lot of area to grow. Did you know women can work now? Amazing isn't it?
Them: Oh well, don't feel bad.
Me: Haha. Oh I don't.
What I am thinking: Yep, we can work and buy homes and even go into public without an escort! I can do whatever I want when ever I want. I can date 5 guys at once, go out on weekdays and stay up as late as I want. I mean granted, I usually just hang out alone and read. But I could do those things . . . If I wanted to. I have options!
Them: I'm sure you will find someone soon.
Me: Mmmmhmmm. . .
What I am thinking: I actually really enjoy shamelessly flirting with strangers, so I am pretty content right now. It's actually a strength of mine. But while we are on the topic, how's your marriage? I heard the divorce rate is declining, that must be an encouragement!
Them: How are your friends?
Me: They are doing well. So and So is in school and So and So just got married.
What I am thinking: Where is your spouse? I thought part of getting married was so you could have someone to consistently nag, thereby leaving me in peace. I really wish I could remember who you are. Why can't someone come over here and introduce themselves so I can at least get a name?
Them: sympathetic look.
What I am thinking: I am going to punch you in the mouth.
Them: Well it was so nice to see you!
Me: Just charming.
What I am thinking: I almost told you I was a lesbian, just so you'd leave me alone.
have you figured out who she was yet? It will come to you!
ReplyDeleteNext time try, "How's your marriage?... yeah, I'd be there with you if I lowered my standards, too."
ReplyDelete